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Of Hard Work and Goblin-Kind

Updated: Jul 20, 2020

(Note from Kalliades: Scratchy’s speech wavers somewhere between a Skotian brogue and Eirean lilt; mostly an indecipherable mess to anyone over five feet tall. While attempting to maintain the…ah…character of his writing, some editing for clarity was necessary)

While I doubt not at all that you've been hearing about us goblins for years, I am sure you have not been hearing the right things about us. Chances are, you either see us dancing and bumbling after pre-pubescent girls with this tight-trousered eejit or as blood-thirsty, boggin', nasty wee jobbies as like to murder you in your beds. Naw! Right enough, all that washing and cleaning you humans like so much does you no good but we're a tidy enough when we put our minds to it!

We've been living in the mines of the Dwarves for long enough to learn that untidiness gets right up their beards and, after all us goblins have been through, we’re not likely to ruin a good arrangement when we have it! As stuffy and fussy as dwarves can be, I admit to having a slight wee soft spot in my scarred wee football of a heart for more than a few of them. We’re both long-lived species and I’ve personally known a good many dwarves for close to a hundred years!

See, we races grew up together, lived under the same soil, ate the same food, spoke the same languages, were persecuted equal like; the dwarves for their bags of money and the goblins for being innocently found in temporary possession of other people’s money. We are scaffies of an enterprising sort, not thieves, we’ve always loved turning the thrown away and lost (or just neglected) into something useful or beautiful. If’n them as owned it left it lying around right where we could see it, it was clearly not as valuable as they made it out to be and we did the spirit of the object a favour!

I wander off like that, sorry, but the wounds are still raw.

So; both goblin and dwarf were forced from the lands of their birth as humans started to get organised and out of their sight we remained until that fine fella Alexander found us. Now, you might wonder why the dwarves got goodly mention in what’s been written and we goblins have not? Simple, we hide better. I also had a word with yon writing fellas like Kalliades (quality lad, that) that, due to our negative reputation, it’d be best to let us speak for ourselves as it were. Everyone loves the dwarves and richly do they deserve it but not goblins; we’ve always played the scunners in the movies.